Whether you're a pirate or an unrepentant whore-monger, we've got a cure for you!

At Pro-Well Pharmaceuticals, we're constantly developing new drugs to make sickness and pain  things of the past.


Even if it's something you didn't even know was a disease, we'll have a drug for it soon!


Reducing cravings and providing the nicotine pick-me-up you need, Quit-Pro-Quo is conveniently ingestible as a pill, and crushes nicely into a fine, mixable, snortable, free-basable powder.


You decided to be a pirate. You wanted to rape and pillage. Sadly, your diet of rum and whores did not include sufficient Vitamin C, and now you have scurvy. Pro-Citrus-Ade can get you back in booty raiding shape in no time.



Lacking the energy of your younger years? Need a quick pick-me-up? You don't have to be a stockbroker or a superfreak to see the benefits of Procaine in your daily life.


Chronic lumbar pain is not something you can turn your back on. Propain may not straighten that spine of yours, but it will flatten the receptors that feel pain, soreness, and pretty much everything else.


Considering the kinds of ladies you meet in the meth trade, this one is a must. This little pill has been medically proven to muffle the clap faster than PNC Park’s souvenir mitten day.